The lack of new perspectives, horizons, openness to what is new, to history, or to knowledge in all its forms—especially to the arts and literature—gradually produces a certain cognitive rigidity as the years pass.
That is to say, the brain functions on repetitive information or, worse still, on information consumed through social media and the internet, which provides no personal experience at all.
Going out into the world, regardless of economic conditions—myself, in my youth, I travelled by coach, train or hitchhiking, and I slept in hostels, boarding houses, student residences, some not particularly recommendable places—is something everyone should aspire to. But not for the empty exercise of postcard tourism, which offers nothing or very little and serves mainly for Instagram photos, but for the experience of discovering something new, including customs and mentalities different from our own, which can provide a different vision of reality.

For me, Barcelona, my city, has always seemed charming but small, in the sense of true cosmopolitanism and innovation. By contrast, the great metropolises—especially Paris and New York—have always felt deeply stimulating. And they are, in spite of oneself. They will not let you survive unless you make the effort or reach a certain level of excellence. They are not comfortable, because they demand the best of you if you wish to inhabit them; otherwise, they expel you, and all that is left is to revisit them when possible.
It is true that I never tried to live in them, among other reasons because, as a Belgian friend of mine, a mathematics professor in the French capital, once told me: “If you live here, Paris will no longer be your Paris.” A wise saying that coincides with Enric González’s words in Stories of New York: “One sees the city one carries within.”

I have read extensively about France, and especially about twentieth-century Paris, and I cannot avoid my imagination unfolding fully whenever I walk the streets of the old city—that Western mecca, probably the capital of our civilization. I perceive all that, within the limits of my knowledge, was lived, experienced, felt there… and I discover myself through those wanderings, sometimes alone, sometimes accompanied by my wife or friends. A spirit somewhere between idealist and romantic—though I am not particularly sentimental—nourishes me and gives me strength to continue my therapeutic work and to encourage others to discover themselves through experience.

How much would we improve in all respects if we expanded our psychic space, if we increased our knowledge and our level of awareness?
Life only has meaning if, in large part, it is profound and we manage to give it direction. And this is said by someone who can and does enjoy the trivial, provided that it occupies only a small portion of existence. But without focus, without in-depth work, we usually turn it into a neurotic foolishness, constantly chasing novelties and news to distract ourselves. Hence so many problems of attention deficit, anxiety, lack of life orientation, and, often, depression.

I recall that in a difficult period of my life, after the premature death of my mother, when my spirituality and religious beliefs deepened— I am a morally liberal, not very dogmatic, and barely practicing Catholic, partly because in my view today’s Masses put the faithful to sleep and would require a bit more fervour—I took to reading mystical and theological texts of substance. Among them, as I have mentioned elsewhere, Thomas Aquinas’s Summa Theologiae, a work of great depth and beauty.
And in those moments of pain, I admit there was a certain degree of happiness, for if you penetrate something of such magnitude and connect with it, you cannot help but feel a profound inner peace that makes you feel well.

We lose, amidst so much noise, both outward knowledge—travel, for example— and inward knowledge, the kind that comes from reading, cinema, the arts, music… And although it is true that all this requires effort, that effort is rewarded with greater calm and openness.

I should mention that during my recent visit to Paris, we went to the David Hockney exhibition, the great British painter born in 1937. Photographs of a smiling elderly man hang in some rooms, and his idolized male nudes from other periods give way—he himself selected the works—to a display of landscapes, of a calm and radiant nature, which can be interpreted as a wise approach to a meaning of life detached from desire and in harmony with the passage of time.
His vitality and his smiling, mischievous, yet conscious gaze indicate the vital progress of someone who probably began with the impulses of youth, only to end reconciled with what is essential.

Life requires effort—sometimes a great deal—and work, and going through all sorts of circumstances. But if one elevates one’s gaze, one’s heart, if one aspires to connect with knowledge, or better still, with wisdom, there is something—hidden, mysterious, secret—that helps.

“Fortes fortuna adiuvat”, “Fortune favours the brave”, or even better: “At the moment one truly commits, Providence also moves. Whatever you can do or dream, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic.” Johann W. von Goethe.

The meaning of life begins with learning to concentrate and avoiding trivial distractions.

Damián Ruiz
Barcelona, August 28, 2025
www.damianruiz.eu

La entrada Paris, Hockney and the Meaning of Life se publicó primero en Damián Ruiz.

Damián Ruiz

What is the fundamental principle I apply in treating cocaine addiction?
That the patient comes to reject it — that they feel repulsion toward the substance.
How is that achieved?
Through a change in lifestyle and a process of raising consciousness so that they understand not only that they don’t need it, but that they’re missing many real opportunities to improve their life.
And how is that done?
Through analysis of the person’s history and current circumstances. By bringing to awareness the positive aspects that have not been developed and the negative ones that generate counterproductive attitudes and behaviors.
And what about willpower?
As a therapist, I don’t place much faith in it. I’m not saying it’s unnecessary — especially in the early stages — but I also don’t ask for miracles. What I seek is steady, gradual work that strengthens this virtue over time. But it’s not the core of the therapy.
What are the fundamental pillars of therapy to stop using cocaine?
A change in lifestyle and the development of a firmer, more determined, even ambitious attitude — not necessarily financially, although it could be, depending on the person, but in terms of fulfillment.
And that fulfillment is understood differently by each person: some link it to the “American way of life,” others to spirituality, depth, or even creative processes. The therapist must simply work together with the patient on where they want to go.
Is it easy to quit cocaine?
No, it’s not easy — but it’s also not “impossible.”
Progress is gradual, and occasional relapse may happen. As long as the patient doesn’t minimize its significance, such relapses can be accepted in the beginning.
But in order to consolidate the goal, one must progressively restructure — again — both lifestyle and the person’s perception, beliefs, and emotions around it.
It’s not about falling into empty positivity, the “you can do it” type, but about delving into the unconscious to activate all that could lead to a fuller life and deactivate everything that — perhaps without clearly realizing it — has been blocking it.
Quitting cocaine is a meticulous process, but it is achievable.
This treatment is for low to moderate levels of use — at most once or twice per week, and in small amounts.
It is not intended for heavy addicts — for them, clinical admission to specialized public or private centers is more appropriate.
But it is possible to completely quit using this substance — cocaine.

Damián Ruiz
www.damianruiz.eu
Barcelona, August 2025

La entrada Quitting Cocaine Use se publicó primero en Damián Ruiz.

Damián Ruiz

This test is merely indicative and has no psychometric validity beyond serving as a mirror to help you understand your current state regarding the use of a substance and your level of awareness about it.

You just need to answer each question with **YES** or **NO**.

For this occasion, we will leave out both tobacco and alcohol—not because they are not addictive substances, but because we want to focus on other elements: cocaine, cannabis, synthetic drugs, hallucinogens, amphetamines, etc.

Please answer truthfully—not what you think is the “correct” answer. After all, this is just a self-awareness test.

 Questions

1. Do you use that drug at least twice a month? **YES / NO**
2. Do you believe you could quit at any time if you wanted to? **YES / NO**
3. Do you think that, in today’s society, taking some kind of drug occasionally isn’t all that bad? **YES / NO**
4. Have you ever tried to stop using it for a period longer than six months? **YES / NO**
5. Is your closest circle of friends mostly made up of people who use drugs? **YES / NO**
6. Do you think your life would be worse if you completely stopped using that kind of drug? **YES / NO**
7. Does taking drugs—even if rarely—help you escape your problems? **YES / NO**
8. Does drug use help you feel emotionally better? **YES / NO**
9. Does using a substance help you socialize? **YES / NO**
10. Do you believe most people use drugs (excluding prescription medication)? **YES / NO**
11. Do you think that some form of drug use is necessary to cope with the current pace of life? **YES / NO**
12. Do you think that once you quit drugs for good, the brain recovers immediately? **YES / NO**
13. Do you agree with this statement:

“There are certain types of work or responsibilities that cannot be maintained without taking some kind of drug.” **YES / NO**

15. And with this one: “I’ve been using for so many years that I don’t know if I could handle life without taking some substance. ***YES / NO**
16. Do you believe that using a drug from time to time isn’t really that important? **YES / NO**

Scoring

Between 0 and 5 YES answers

  You have a good level of awareness that drug use is harmful to your life. You’re in a position to seek professional or personal help to fully overcome this issue.

Between 5 and 9 YES answers

  You are not yet fully aware of the problem you have. You should make an effort to get more informed. Seek guidance from professionals, doctors, psychologists, or people who have been through this.

10 or more YES answers

  You have a serious problem. Besides being caught up in drug use, your lack of self-awareness and understanding of the issue may make it hard to begin the healing process. Please reflect on it, and don’t hesitate to ask for help.

Damián Ruiz

Psychologist and author of “Cómo dejar, o hacer que deje, la cocaína”

Barcelona, July 2025

www.damianruiz.eu

La entrada Can You Stop Using a Drug? se publicó primero en Damián Ruiz.

If there’s one thing therapeutic experience provides — in my case, over thirty years — it’s the opportunity to observe the vast range of nuances in human beings. In my view, these nuances are what create the diversity of life and make interactions between people far richer.

That’s why I wanted to write an article with such a long title, focused specifically on the male condition.

Let’s start with what is most evident and understandable to everyone: homosexuality, which is sexual attraction to people of the same sex (between 5% and 8% of the Western male population identifies as homosexual or bisexual), is a reality across all societies, cultures, and historical periods. Its visibility depends exclusively on a society’s level of tolerance.

This is a biological minority condition of the human species. There is no need to search for triggering psychological causes. The percentage remains constant throughout history.

But let’s focus on the concept of homo-sexuality. Why? Because not every homosexual person who behaves as such has fully integrated homoaffectivity. What does that mean? In some cases, there is a split between sexual behavior and emotional capacity, such that life may be guided by compulsion without the ability to form stable emotional bonds with another person of the same sex. A percentage of gay men spend their lives seeking new sexual partners without “daring” to establish a genuine romantic relationship.

Homoeroticism, on the other hand, is a condition found among men who develop an erotic bond not necessarily involving sex — it may be limited to affectionate contact and caressing, without engaging in what we might define as strictly sexual acts. This kind of relationship occurs in men who are closer to bisexuality or active heterosexuality but experience erotic attraction to the same sex. Homoeroticism has also been expressed in art not only by homosexual men but also by heterosexual ones, such as the Austrian artist Egon Schiele (1890–1918).

It’s worth mentioning the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (KSOG), one of the most comprehensive tools developed to measure sexual orientation, which evaluates how certain dimensions of sexuality shift over time.

As for homoaffectivity, it should ideally be present in all homosexuals who have accepted their identity. But it can also occur between heterosexual men, creating a type of closeness or bond that is non-erotic yet deeply affectionate toward a male companion or friend.

In advanced and liberal societies — as most Western ones have been until now — these realities are relatively common, though often manifesting in intimate and socially less visible ways.

Between 6% and 10% of men, according to certain studies (e.g., A Critical Study of the Homoerotic Experience in Two Latin American Investigations on Male Sex Work, by Porfirio Miguel Hernández Cabrera, Universidad Autónoma de la Ciudad de México), have had homoerotic or homoaffective experiences, without engaging in actual sex and without identifying as gay.

Now let’s move on to homophobia.

I must admit that, as a therapist, when I come across a younger or middle-aged man who viscerally rejects or despises homosexuality, I always become suspicious (and I’m not referring to someone suffering from HOCD). Intense homophobia could, in some cases, be linked to strongly repressed latent homosexuality (Adams, H. E., Wright, L. W., & Lohr, B. A. (1996). Is homophobia associated with homosexual arousal? Journal of Abnormal Psychology). The film American Beauty (Sam Mendes, 1999) is a good illustrative example of such cases.

The homophobe connects masculinity and sexual orientation because they have not yet integrated the idea that a man who is attracted to other men can possess a defined virility and a typically “masculine” profession. Clearly, there are also homosexual or bisexual individuals in the military, professional sports, emergency services, or security, among others — well outside the stereotypes linked to “effeminacy.” Homosexuality can present itself in hundreds of different ways, many of which have nothing to do with sensitivity, aesthetic taste, or effeminate behavior.

Of course, anyone has the right to dislike certain groups, but when the anger is excessive, we must ask ourselves from a psychological point of view: what is being hidden?

Now to the topic of Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (HOCD).

If you’re constantly doubting whether or not you’re attracted to men, that’s a clear sign that you are not. Why? Because when something cannot take root in your thoughts or emotions, it’s because it doesn’t belong to your genuine interests. We don’t endlessly question things we truly desire or enjoy.

In my practice, when someone comes to therapy with this issue, I always ask the same questions:

• Have you ever had a pleasurable homoerotic dream while sleeping?
  
• Have you had enjoyable sexual experiences with someone of your own sex?
  
• Have you ever fallen in love with someone of your own sex?
  
• For those who test themselves by watching gay porn: did you feel clear arousal — an erection — without touching yourself while watching such scenes? (And I don’t mean the common tingling due to nervousness — that doesn’t count).
  

If the answer is no to all, or at least three, of those questions — with the first one being a possible exception — then there are no indications of a homosexual tendency, and it is very likely a case of HOCD.

By the same logic, if the answer to at least three of them is yes, then it may be time to start considering a possible attraction to the same sex.

That brings us to ego-dystonic homosexuality or bisexuality, which occurs in people who, despite clear behavioral evidence of same-sex attraction, refuse to acknowledge it. For example, those who would answer “yes” to all the previous questions and still consider themselves fully heterosexual. These individuals face a long path of integration — something they will eventually have to deal with, beyond their homosexuality or bisexuality and how they choose to live with it. No one is obligated to do what they don’t want to do, even for moral reasons, but that’s one thing — self-deception is another.

In the end, each person’s condition should be lived with complete naturalness, without fear, without compulsions, and in an integrated manner.

A man, regardless of age, may live his life as he sees fit based on his values or circumstances, but what he must never do, because the price would be too high, is to lie to himself.

Each person’s identity is full of different variables — ideological, cultural, sexual, moral, emotional, socioeconomic, intellectual, etc. — and all of these must be integrated in a way that generates a satisfying and balanced life. But self-knowledge is key to ensure this path is one of temperance and inner peace.

Human beings are complex and, as I said at the beginning, we are full of nuances. Each of us is dealt a unique set of internal conditions and external circumstances, and with those cards we must learn to “play the game” of life.

In any case, let’s relax. And if someone feels they can’t be themselves because they are not understood or allowed to be, they should not despair — there will always be people and places in the world willing to help.

Whatever each person is must be integrated with dignity and self-respect, and no one should be forced to be anything other than who they truly are.

Heterosexuality is clearly the majority orientation — over 90% of the male population — while homosexuality and bisexuality are clear minorities. Accepting these realities without drama or conflict, personal or social, should be as simple and obvious as understanding the ecosystem of a particular habitat. Often, if the minority does not seek to be the majority, and the majority respects the minority, the system can become harmonious, productive, and culturally elevated.

La entrada Homosexuality, Homoeroticism, Homoaffectivity, Homophobia, Ego-Dystonic Homosexuality, and Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (HOCD) se publicó primero en Damián Ruiz.

With this writing, I intend to start a section where I will share some reflections on psychological issues, aspects of life in general, or anything I find interesting to share.
In this first text, I would like to reflect on the practice of clinical psychology and psychotherapy.
Currently, under the heading of “scientific evidence,” a tremendously superficial view of psychotherapy is being imposed, one that, besides using biological terms and reductionist practices, stigmatizes the entire theoretical framework that preceded it—the very foundation that has brought significant advancements to this scientific-humanistic practice.
Dismissing Freud, Maslow, Jung, Rogers, James, Millon, Frankl, Klein, Adler, among many others, and replacing them with shallow, low-quality theories, into which enormous amounts of money are invested to achieve statistically significant results and thereby make them official—partly because the concept of the human being they promote has little prior identity beyond what circumstances shape, and because they favor the trendy concept of self-configuration—amounts, at the very least, to an insult to intelligence.
Under the guise of scientism—while science must indeed be the measure, it should be science based on real biological evidence—an entire compendium of historical wisdom, in the form of texts, experiences, and therapeutic practices, is being marginalized in favor of an empty psychology, where a few common-sense tips and superficial empathy become the universal therapeutic standard.
Those of us who, like myself, have studied and explored the works of great psychologists, combined with extensive therapeutic practice, to contribute and help alleviate the psychological suffering of those enduring it—sometimes successfully, sometimes less so—now find ourselves having to apologize in the face of prevailing therapeutic reductionism, which often disregards the existence of trauma in a person’s life or the innate personality configuration beyond life circumstances.
At birth, “we already are,” and trauma profoundly influences our personal development.
The theories of those great thinkers, along with many others, must be considered, and any self-respecting psychologist should at least be familiar with them.
Psychology is and must remain humanistic, and my stance on this is firm.
The results achieved by many therapists who follow this tradition, based on profound and complex theories of the human psyche, are, at the very least, no worse than those of simplistic advice and practices. I dare say that, despite the silence and marginalization by current academic orthodoxy, they are significantly better.

La entrada Reflections (I) se publicó primero en Damián Ruiz.

Addictions, when they have been installed as habits in people for a long time, end up creating a series of neural circuits and emotional connections, normally as a form of escape from reality, which lead them to become what we could call, in Carl G. Jung’s terms, an ‘autonomous complex’.

This means that they are activated without necessarily going hand in hand with the will. That is to say, when one already falls into the category of ‘addict’, the will to activate the compulsion, for example, snorting cocaine or gambling in a casino, is not necessary. The person acts as if driven by an automatism that impels him or her to repeat the habit.

Therefore, if willpower is not the activating factor, neither is it the main factor to be taken into account in order to be able to quit an addiction.

So, what is it that allows the addict to start to give up his or her habit of consumption?

Consciousness.

Without an awakening of consciousness, in fact an elevation of consciousness, the possibilities are considerably reduced. Why? Because for addicts, acts of will, especially in the early stages of therapy, are also a stimulating factor. The addictive personality itself finds motivation when starting any kind of therapy, but the problem arises when what I have called the ‘autonomous complex’ arises again and somehow transfers this idea to the patient ‘all right, I have left you for a while to be motivated by the possibility of leaving me, but now it is over, go back to giving me some of mine’.

And, most probably, the person concerned will give you some of his or her own again.

Why?

Because they have not made any significant changes in their life that would support the change of habits.

It is naïve to believe that by continuing with the same kind of life it is possible to make such a significant life revolution as giving up an addiction.

That is why the problem with any kind of therapy for addicts is the enthusiasm of the patient in the first weeks or months that makes him/her believe that, without changing anything, he/she will be able to quit the harmful habit. This is never true.

In order to quit a habit, it is essential to transform some important aspects of one’s own life. If this is not done, overcoming the addiction is much more difficult.

Therefore, any addict, before starting any kind of therapy, has to ask himself this question: ‘Am I willing to modify my lifestyle, to overcome old habits that are linked to addiction, to channel my emotions in a different way, to face my reality with more maturity?’

If so, the chances of overcoming addiction increase considerably, otherwise it may all remain a transitory mirage.

La entrada How to stop being an addict? se publicó primero en Damián Ruiz.